No service for you!

I dont understand why the non pay disconnects threaten to cancel service? If you dont turn my service back on im going to go to (insert random competitor name).

Hello Fucktard we already shut your service off because you didnt pay us what the fuck do you think they will do when you dont pay them?

power is good

Lady calls in about her converter box for her cable tv not working. I try a few things making sure the tv is on chan 3 and the correct input chan..everything seems ok. I ask if the digital box will change chans using the buttons on the front of the box. She says yes it will. So I conclude it must be the remote causing the problem. I ask when the last time she changed the batteries was and she gets all pissy

"its not the remote its your box now fix it"

I attempt in as civil way as possible to say LOOK CUNT YOUR FUCKING STUPID NOW LISTEN TO ME. Well after her bitching for a few more minutes about it not being her remote I attempt to once again explain to her how the box is on and changing chans therefore the box is more than likely OK.

Cust: "How Do you know my box is turned on?"

Me: "Because when you pressed the button on the front it changed the channels therefore it must have power."

Cust: "Well how do you know that"

Me: "is the power indictator light on or off?"

Cust: "How do i know"

Me: "is the light over the power button on or off"

Cust: "it is off"

Me: "Great please press the power button"

Cust "ok it is working now"

No shit, it works when the power is turned on.

Gotta love this

So we have this bright idea program of letting our customer base do Self-installs. Seems like a great way to save money for the company and make install's go alot faster as the tech just has to drop the stuff off, or the cust just has to go to any of our front counter locations and pick up the equipment.

*sidenote* Well as you can see our average consumer isnt the brightest and all though i havent ever heard an official number I would guess at least 50% of our cust. call back into tech support wanting help hooking up their equipment. Guess what NO GO CHARLIE! No tech support for you for 30 whole days without a charge. Of course this is all news to the cust usually they aren't told about any of this when they sign up, or are stupid and have forgotten the infomation.

Well starting today we upped our self installs to add in a new High Def/Digital Video Recorder box. Now since this box is actually for hd tv's it defaults to display in 1080i format. Well this causes the 4:3 non hdtvs to display jack and nothing. Now I remember in training them telling me about this and thinking "oh jesus." Now I also recall them telling us a sequence of buttons on the remote to have the cust press in order to change this, however can I find my notes with this precious set of directions. Fuck no. Is it anywhere in any of my tech databases...fuck no. Does my lead know?......Fuck no....what about the manager....not here....great thanks a fucking ton. Great fucking idea lets put it out and not post the infomation anywhere...granted I should have kept better track of my notes but you would think that they would have a backup plan in case we didnt. Well to finish up the call I scheduled for someone to come out there and charge the guy 40 bucks to install the box since it was a self install anyways.

Profile update

Besides my beautiful new picture(s), that were so generously dontated to my blog, I have also updated the audio link in my profile to a working link. Check out gooding's small moves.

a quote to ponder on during lunch

My last cust before i left for lunch.

"I'm a techoholic, but I don't have the brains to use them."

Would it be considered rude to laugh or point out that is an understatement?

same person

I finally manage to get the fucktard logged into the support site and I bring him/her to this screen.



Then and I quote

"I don't understand what i do from here."

"How long does it have to be?"

Well most girls say size doesn't matter of course they obviously havent met me. Being hung like a buck-toothed gerbil doesn't seem to go over to well for me, so about you tell me how long it needs to be. Oh and for the rest FUCKING READ FUCKTARD!!!!

You cant make this shit up

Me: We need to go to our support site which is support.(companyname).net

Cust: So I have to type that in?

Nope you click your heals three times and repeat it over and over....

its going to be a long day