The best quote

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of this bastard emailing you. I thought I would share my infamous quote from my email signature...

"I can't hear you, I dont have my glasses on"

My bad

I was messing around trying to get the time on this to post correctly and managed to mess up the posting time for most of the rest of the posts. I think I have them all corrected now and if not fuck it and if you have a problem with it fuck you, and last but not least if you have a problem with that...See the bald bastard in the corner.

I need a drink...

Who is buying because I'm broke.

Can you even call the right people????

Why do people think us (being a cable tv provider) control the content of what channels are showing? People will call us to complain because HBO or Cin or a multitude of other channels show this or that. I remember once when I first started working here an old lady calls in mad becuase Showtime was showing "The Family Business" at 11 PM. What the fuck? Why would your cable provider have anything to say about what Showtime is airing? Especially a premium channel that you are paying extra for. We offer parental controls and PIN's to block channels by the channel itself or rating, but do people ever want to hear about these options? no... Fucktards quit calling me about shit I can not help you with. If you have a problem with a certain channel cancel your subscription to the channel. Make it hurt in the profits that will get their attention faster than anything else or at the very least CALL THEM YOU FUCKTARDS!!!!!

Random thought

Go home stevie we dont like you. Go home and cry to your mother who also doesnt like you. Please leave our shitty land. I relize it is shitty but it is still ours. Go home or in fucktard terms...GET THE FUCK OUT YOU STUPID ASSHOLE.

PS: Quit fucking calling my phones.

Back in the good old days

Cust: "When we moved here in '69 it was working"

Great and I wasnt even alive! Fucktard.

Nonpay moron

Customer is disconnected for nonpayment. He calls in to make a payment. Billing takes his payment and tells him the service will come back on in about 20 minutes or less. He waits about 10 minutes and decides since the service isnt back on that he must have something connected wrong on the back of the tv, even though it was working fine prior to the disconnect. He proceeds to disconnect every connection he has from the wall, hdtv, vcr, dvd player, and surround sound.

Where the fuck is the logic in that you fucktard?????

Self Install Fun

Cust: "On the back of the digital box it says cable in, What goes there?"

Me: "The Coax cable from the wall"

Cust: "The what?"

Needless to mention this was a self install.....

Lazy modems

Cust calls in I cannot get online. I pull up the account and verify his infomation. I ask him what the lights on the modem are doing

Cust "what the fuck is that going to tell you"

Me: "It will tell me infomation about what you modem is currently doing"

Cust "It ain't doing shit, I already told you that."

Me: "Could you humor me please sir"

Cust: "What does that mean?"

Me: "Could you please just tell me what the lights on the modem are doing"

Cust "I already told you that they ain't doing shit"

Me: "So none of your lights are on, is that correct?"

Cust: "No the power light is on and the standby light is on"

Me: "Could you push the standby button on the top of the modem please"

Cust "Why"

Me "To take the modem out of standby mode"

Cust "OK now all the lights on the modem is on"

Me: "Great, please double click on your internet explorer and tells me what comes up"

Cust "It pulls up www.(company name).net"

Me: Excellant anything else I can do for you

Cust: "Make my modem quit being lazy"

Fucking Christ you're are a Fucktard, and its only lunchtime....Can't someone out there give me a decent job!!!!

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

So in our east coast vs west coast I have come up with the ultimate diss, however it shall not be posted here as this needs to be done in person.

I am ZIM!!!

My plot to sell much HBO has worked!!!!!. OK not really I dont try and sell anything in fact for me to sell anything it takes certain guidelines I have set forth not by my company but by me cause im a lazy bastard. Anyway I have outsold and outperformed not only the most of the other techs but most of the sales people as well and have a won a rather cool six feet under checkerboard. So for all you non selling people. MAKE THE FUCKTARDS PAY FOR THEIR HBO and you too can win LOL.

Almost fucking december

Me: "Choose to restart the computer"

Cust: "So I need to turn it off?"

Me: "No, Choose the restart option"

Cust: "I can't I only have shutdown, restart, logoff "username". What do I do."

Me: "Choose the restart option"

Cust: "I can't I told you"

I proceeded to instruct her to have some one more "familiar" with computers to call us back to assist with the issue.