Your address

Ok I am the first to admit that after you move it can be a bitch learning your new address, phone number etc. However this is fucking ridiculous

Me: "Can I get your street address"

Cust: "Let me find my receipt"

Me: "Have you recently moved?"

Cust: "No I lived here 3 years it's just I can't remember my address. It’s too long and complicated."

Power is still good

Lady calls up and tells me she just moved and is reconnecting her modem to her computer at the new place. Her problem lies with modem not receiving power. I ask her if it is plugged into an A/C outlet. She says well I have the cable that screws onto the modem (the coax cable for those who don't know) and I have the big phone cord one plugged in (that’s the Ethernet cable). Should I have something else plugged into it. Nope I have rubbed it with secret Irish power given to me and only me and I have blessed your modem with these powers so if you say 5000 Hail Maries and the rosary 7000 times it will be blessed with eternal electrical power.

Smackdown

OMG! The worst thing that could ever happen to the fucktards happened tonight. Their precious "wrastling" went out due to a failure on UPN's broadcast. We trend reoccurring calls to help figure out what may be happening. I decided to cut and past and I bet you can figure out which ones were mine. This is just a small clipping from the HUNDREDS OF CALLS that were made.

Answering machine

Cust: "I was wondering if you could tell him how to set the number of rings on my answering machine?"

Me: "Do you mean voicemail service or an answering machine device?"

Cust: "Just a plain ol' answering machine"

Me: "Ummm no, I'm sorry I don't know how to set that"

Cust: "Why not?"

Because I'm not trained in how to work every feature of every single fucking electronic device know to man Fucktard.

ETRs

This lady called up about her webmail not working. I advised her that the webmail is currently not functioning properly and that there is no estimated time of repair.
She replies with

Cust: "So how long is that days, weeks, months years, never?"

Its never Fucktard now leave me alone.